The PDA Way

As you’ve probably gathered, Little C is a very anxious child. It’s been explained to us that he’s living in the ‘fight or flight’ mode pretty much constantly. He is always on high alert for anything that isn’t expected. He needs to know what is going to happen and that there will be no surprises, or anything different expected of him. He needs to feel in control and most of all safe. Some things that used to just frighten or scare him have turned into full-blown phobias. To see the panic on his face is awful, especially when it’s things people do every day - brushing teeth, using the toilet, leaving the house.  His anxieties are complicated by sensory differences and demand avoidance (a compulsive refusal to do something). Quick note here that ‘demand avoidance’ is real - it doesn’t sound real I know, but it is very real. We see it every day. It’s not always something he’s afraid of either, it can be of just not having a choice or having control.  So for example bat...

Little C currently doesn’t go to school. He has what is called ‘Emotionally Based School Avoidance’ (EBSA) also annoyingly known as ‘school refusal’.  He is still registered at our local mainstream primary school but he hasn’t attended for most of this school year. He should be in Year 1. When the school year started in September he managed for a short while (probably as school did ‘continuous provision’ initially, which is play-led learning like in Reception Class). But as soon as the formal lessons commenced after the October half term, things went rapidly downhill. He then did a few weeks of going in for 15-30 mins a day and various attempts to get Little C to ‘bond’ with the TA in the Year One class. But to no avail. Little C didn’t want to be there and the mornings yet again became impossible. Crying, screaming, running, hiding, hitting, spitting, begging, vomiting. For hours. Sometimes starting very early in the morning, sometimes in the middle of the night and sometimes at b...

The star of this blog is my son who I’ll refer to as Little C. My older son will be Big C. Then there’s my husband (Dad) and then me.  Our PDA story started 6 years ago when our youngest boy Little C was born.  Little C slotted into our family perfectly. We had just moved into our new house a few months earlier and things were good. Little C was a content and easy baby (compared to how his brother had been as a baby anyway!)  Things were going well until at 9 weeks old Little C became unwell. He had cried all night and at 6am I took his temperature and although he didn’t feel particularly hot, the reading said 40.2! We decided to bypass 111 and to take him straight to A&E. My mum came round to look after Big C who was 6. I remember Big C’s words as we left the house, he said ‘I don’t want him to die’ (This whole part of the story might have no significance to Little C’s later problems, but I’m telling you to give you the full background ….if you’re still reading that ...