Little C’s many phobias

As you’ve probably gathered, Little C is a very anxious child. It’s been explained to us that he’s living in the ‘fight or flight’ mode pretty much constantly. He is always on high alert for anything that isn’t expected. He needs to know what is going to happen and that there will be no surprises, or anything different expected of him. He needs to feel in control and most of all safe. Some things that used to just frighten or scare him have turned into full-blown phobias. To see the panic on his face is awful, especially when it’s things people do every day - brushing teeth, using the toilet, leaving the house. 

His anxieties are complicated by sensory differences and demand avoidance (a compulsive refusal to do something). Quick note here that ‘demand avoidance’ is real - it doesn’t sound real I know, but it is very real. We see it every day. It’s not always something he’s afraid of either, it can be of just not having a choice or having control. 

So for example baths/showers are a big problem. We only manage to bath him roughly every 6 weeks. He hates getting his face, eyes and ears wet, having his hair touched, the water being too hot/cold, unexpected splashes, his fingers and toes going pruny, he’s afraid he might need a wee, he hates the ‘getting dry’ part and the rubbing his hair dry. There are probably many more things (the shampoo, smells, sounds etc) but these are the things he’s been able to tell us about. So lot of these issues are sensory related and these makes him anxious and being anxious triggers his demand avoidance. In the past when Little C was very young, we’d put him in the bath screaming hysterically (I hate that we did this - we had a lot to learn). A few times he was sick in the bath as he had got into such a state. It was like we were trying to put him in a bath of hot lava or trying to bathe a feral cat! As he has got older and as we’ve learnt about ASD and sensory differences, we have obviously stopped forcing him in the bath. Now we use a top and tail bowl and clean him each night like you would a baby. Having a bath is really big deal and he has to have had nice calm day and not feel pressured into it. He will always negotiate terms ie, ‘I can’t brush my teeth tonight if I'm having a bath, I’ll need to have an ice lolly after, I need to go on the Xbox for a while after, it can’t be too hot, too full, you have to stay with me the whole time’. We agree to whatever it takes (within reason of course). His recent thing is colours ‘I can only do it if the water is green/blue/purple, pink …rainbow’. Some people will find this bizarre - that we allow him to dictate these things - but this is the PDA way! 

Little C also has a phobia of the potty/toilet. He still uses a nappy all the time. At present he won’t even engage in conversation about toilet training. When Little C was 3 we did what most parents do, and took his nappy off and left the potty out. We only left the nappy off for 12 hours, but the damage was done and he still remembers and associates toilet training with him not being in control and the feeling of being forced to do something against his will. We now know that he found this experience really frightening. 

The phobia that affects us the most is car journeys. Little C won’t go in a car and has only been in a car twice in the past 6 months. He has extreme travel sickness. I say extreme in that even sitting in an unmoving car will now trigger it. In fact the last time we tried, even him standing next to the open car door made him start to heave. A big part of the problem we believe is sensory, so it’s the movement of the car (vestibular sense) and the smell (we’re not sure what he means by this - but again it must be a sensory thing). So this has now caused a phobia in that he is terrified of going in the car as he thinks he will be sick. He does wants to but he says he just can’t do it - the fear is too powerful. We took him to a hospital appointment a few months ago and he was hysterical. It book both of us to carry him kicking and screaming to the car and I had to hold and restrain him in the back seat during the 5 minute journey. He told us afterwards that in that moment he believed he was going to die. So until we figure a way round this, we are stuck at home. Myself and Little C’s dad go out separately so one of us is always at home with Little C. It’s a massive thing that I miss, just getting out of the house as a family at weekends. We were already limited as to where we could go (as Little C always wants to go home) but now we can’t go anywhere, not even to Little C’s grandma and granddads house. 

The list of things Little C is afraid of is constantly growing and just one bad experience could turn any one  of them into a full blown phobia. Some of his fears are:- dogs, blood, flying bugs, wobbly teeth, haircuts, sleeping in his own bed, going to sleep alone, sudden noises, loud noises (eg motor bikes), the wind (in his face).  I should add these are actual fears. If I did a list of things he just ‘dislikes’ it’d be never ending.